Shaking the Grapevine

Viral Living

2009-05-14T03:08:27Z

Lingering in a coffee shop awhile ago, I was soaking up a few rare minutes alone before picking up my boys. My wandering thoughts were interrupted by a sudden strident voice erupting to my right. The man in the corner was addressing the girl sitting next to me, who was attempting to do the crossword. "People are viruses! Just like viruses! You hang around them at all, and pretty soon you think like them, you talk like them, and you pick up their bad habits! It's just disgusting!" His unwilling audience offered a palliative reply, while remaining buried in her puzzle. I sat there a bit stunned by his vehemence.

What 'time' do you live in?

2009-04-07T03:11:50Z

I woke up the other morning to the sounds of my cat frantically crashing around the room, trying to jump up on his usual resting places and failing miserably. With his eyes darting wildly and his back legs suddenly useless, he was obviously seriously ill in some way. My stomach clenched into a ball, I started soothing him and my husband began Googling, while I imagined the house without him and how to tell the kids he was dying. I instantly prepped myself for the worst, just in case it should happen. His history of kidney problems and approaching 15^th birthday were fair indicators, but I still jumped immediately into the feelings I'd experience should he not make it. I mourned, shed tears, and weighed burial options.

I live in the future.

Just-a-Jobs and Dreams

2009-03-16T17:50:14Z

Talking to a girlfriend last month, I was reminded once again that planning shorter-term sacrifices for long-term gain was part of life. Living with an idealistic husband, on variable freelance incomes (in this economy!), it's easy to lose perspective and faith in God: two things I can't live without.

I have a dream. A big one perhaps, but I can taste it. It involves rolling forested land, hand-built cabins, a treehouse, a stone home, some animals, a big garden, water, weekend classes, and many visitors.

Winterizing Your Heart

2009-02-07T20:38:02Z

The last month hasn't been an easy one for me. There have been no life-jarring events or great losses or even very squeaky pennies, I've just been in a muddle of wayward thoughts, wistful wishes, grey days, cold hands, and challenging kids. It's gotten to me, and is now very visible in my highly-reflective boys. They're great little mirrors, and it's awfully difficult to have your own bad attitude mirrored back at you (times two!). It finally dawned on me that I need to do a little winterizing, even if it's a bit late.

Not so long ago, winter was seen as a time to hunker down, live off the previous harvest, catch up on handwork and repairs, and even hibernate a little bit.

Put It Out There

2009-01-09T22:55:01Z

I'm often a slow learner, when it comes to anything to do with my heart or any of that "messy emotional stuff". I prefer not to talk about it, and focus on the easily "conquered" things like technical or logical things that are tangible. Feelings, dreams, ideas, all those things defy boxes or logic and because of that I label them "messy". I've slowly come to realize that not only is it a bad idea to be ignoring the un-boxable things, it's downright toxic. I need to Put It Out There, and let it be. It's my goal for 2009 to be more transparent, and not keep all feelings and reactions under wraps for fear of offending, hurting, or disappointing someone. Honesty can be painful, but it's far less painful than the alternative.

The Power of Words

2008-12-05T21:24:01Z

Words etch patterns in our hearts. Spoken, shared, sent out: power we forget we're wielding. "Would you like a hug?" My words surprise me sometimes, the ones I have to take in an extra gulp of air just to get out. A weeping stranger on the street. The right words, for once. Perfect. A gem in a pounding sea of words, babbling up on our shores. Overheard, read, conversed, reinforcing or changing the patterns shaping our hearts.

Satisfaction : Got Yours?

2008-11-13T04:35:29Z

Walking home from my run with a friend this morning, she surprised me with the statement "You probably have no idea how jealous I am of you sometimes." I was genuinely caught off guard, but a few more sentences gave me a view of my life, from her perspective, that made a lot of sense. My husband's irregular paycheck, our general lack of structure, and the subtle but constant pressure on me to contribute more financially to the household was desirable to her. She saw in my life the "edge" that was missing in her own beautiful but unsatisfying "cage." She missed the spark, even as I missed the predictable comfort. Dissatisfied. Restless. Hungry for something different.

Scaredy Cats Anonymous

2008-10-15T21:29:51Z

Had a good scare lately? If not, you should!

I can count on one hand the number of times I've used a microphone in my life. I shrivel up at the thought of speaking into one, and would rather change litterboxes all day than voluntarily give a speech to a crowd. I did pick up a microphone this past weekend however, after agreeing to be a panelist and workshop leader at a WAHM Expo. While the show didn't quite turn out as promised (attendance was abysmally low) I did use that dreaded microphone, and am SO glad I did!

Handling Change

2008-09-12T02:04:29Z

Gracefully, Grumpily, or Gleefully ... what's your style?

My boys both started school last week, one of them for the first time. While there was a wee bit of clinging and a few tears, their transition from summer in the country to school in the city has been an amazingly calm one. My two-year-old couldn't wait to start "my tool" and ran off into his classroom on day one without a backward glance! For the most part, my kids handle change with aplomb and excitement. We do a little prep if there's a big change coming, but don't make a huge deal out of it, and I'm very thankful that works for us. Most kids are remarkably adaptable, and learn to accept things, especially those completely outside their control.

Focus and Effort

2008-08-12T20:33:27Z

Minimizing the effects of those BIG projects.

Yesterday I completed the longest run of my life, covering 15 miles before I collapsed, sweaty and pleased, into a pile that I hardly moved from for the rest of the day. I noticed near the end of the run that my fingertips were getting a bit numb.